She is actually responding to something other than food:

March 20, 2006 in Snoqualmie Washington. We had great weather and everything worked out perfectly. There was too much food, and lots of drinks and our close family was there to witness it. Until we get more photos from the photographer, here we are:

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 01, 2005
RE: Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the
Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a
small band playing traditional carols…feel free to sing along. And
don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees
can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £5.00 to make
the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only
for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 02, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often
coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However,
from now on we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same policy
applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still
celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present.
No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your
enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 03, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table … you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy
to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
“AA Only”; you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to
handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the
union members feel that £5.00 is too much money and executives believe
£5.00 is a little chintzy.

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 04, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home
in a little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I’ve arranged
for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet
and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are
allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay
men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower
arrangement for the Gay men’s table. To the person asking permission to
cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster
seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a
diet. We cannot control the
salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood
pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for
Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply “No Sugar” desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*ucking Employees
DATE: October 05, 2005
RE: The F*ucking Holiday Party

Vegetarian pr*icks I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep
this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so
quaintly put it, and you’ll get your fu*cking salad bar, including
organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream
when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream
right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,

The Bi*tch from H*ELL!!!!!!!!

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 06, 2005
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime,
management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the
afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

QUOTE OF THE MONTH:

In reference to Funyuns

“It’s like an onion ring, except it’s only the ring; it’s like a food, except it contains no organic materials.”

Yes, I am back. I am scarred from the boring nature of what could be considered Army National Guard Annual Training. It was two weeks long. It was known about for at least six months in advance. So why could they not even plan for the very next day?

We went to Camp Ripley in central Minnesota right on the Mississippi River.

The bus ride there was under 10 hours. There was 2 buses and only 1 stop and no need to refuel. On the way back, there was only 1 bus at first, so some people had to wait a while for another bus. There was about 10 stops and 6 or so refueling stops. We had a full bus for part of the time. By the first stop, the other bus that left like an hour after us had already caught up. At the first stop, we had to put about 10 people of 30 onto the second bus. At the second stop we had to put another 10 people on the 2nd bus, leaving the first bus with about 10 or so people… The trip home took about 12.5 hours.

We got there and had lots to do. Lots of stay busy for no reason work. One day we had a particular training range to go to. We got up at 6 so we could leave at 7. Breakfast is from 6 til 8 (and once it was from 7 til 8 ) and thats why the training is supposed to start during breakfast…? We didnt end up leaving til about 9 because there was lots of sitting around to do and wait.

We were about half way there when a call came to halt in place. The range didnt open until about 2 oclock (1400 hours). Hmm, nice to know that after we planned it and left. We were stopped at another range… ok, lets stay here and shoot the grenade launchers. Good idea.

Every has to put their name on a list. Most people dont want to shoot the grenade launcher because its really hot and everyone is annoyed. After long discussions and waiting trying to get everyone to just sign the sheet to get a firing order, we had to leave. No one got to fire the grenade launcher.

The same day, we were all informed that those of us who were participating in the training on that day would be going to the Mall of America on Saturday (it was Tuesday). Come Friday (during the same training for a third time) we were then all told that whoever is participating in the training will be doing it again on Saturday with no plans of going to the Mall of America. That was a huge motivator.

Lesson learned from that is: unless someone says “I Promise” before telling you what the plan is, there is no for sure chance that you will be doing it. Just simply being told this is what you will be doing doesnt mean anything. I guess thats just the army?

I got to stand in a pit for 2 days in 90 degree weather playing Range Safety during the firing of the 249 Machine gun. It wasnt bad… at least I knew what I was going to be doing. I didnt have to pretend to work, or stay hidden or look busy with absolutly nothing to do.

When you are in the Army (or National Guard) you forefit your maturity. You are treated like 12 year olds and you are not responsible for your own actions. You are only responsible for the actions of everyone around you.

Example. The first or second night that people were actually ‘allowed’ to drink after work a girl (who was not of drinking age, but was in the Army) and a guy were drinking. Everyone left them alone and didnt want to interrupt their ‘getting to know eachother’ behavior.

The next morning the guy had misplaced his shoes and cell phone. The girl had misplaced her shoes as well… hmm. Everyone had ideas of what went on, but they both said they remembered nothing. The cell phone was located.

The guy went to get his cell phone and was then told to get his superiors. I guess the Chaplin found 2 sets of shoes, a cell phone and a pair of panties. Maybe he was concerned hoping that there wasnt a rape. The objects were all in plastic evidence bags. No rape was committed since they were both consenting adults (if anything even happened… neither remebers anything).

So, they are not in trouble right? Wrong… everyone got in trouble and locked down and had to stay in uniform (on a Friday night). Some how we all let everyone down by not looking after two adults. I dont get it. How do you tell another adult they have to go to bed right now and stop talking to that girl? Sounds pretty pathetic to me.

That punishment lasted about a whole day. Then they gave in, and everyone had their night ‘free’. Free meaning you could either hang out outside the barracks, or go to the only thing on post that was open: the bar. The bar consisted of a bunch of white trash music (Kid Rock), pool, drinks and lots of smoke. cough.

None of the days of training went as planned, and none of the days of training were planned prior to the night before. One would think that the planning process would be fairly easy for only 2 weeks of training that happens only once a year. But one would be wrong.

The food. The food was horrible. Chili that tasted like peppered ketchup with sliced sausage from the breakfast in it. Some type of burger like substance floating in greasy water. A mini pork chop marinated with syrup. Cinnamon flavored turkey strings, with cinnamon flavored water gravy on semi-mashed potatoes served with burnt deep-fried shrimp. mmm.

Each day, hour, minute, second dragged on as if it couldnt get any worse… but each hour seemed to get worse. Two weeks seemed like months. (Well, not really, I just like to exaggerate for dramatics). On top of everything, I brought my new MP3 player along as my source of entertainment… but it stopped working 4 hours into the trip on the way there. Thanks Creative Muvo 1GB MP3 player.

To end on a positive note: I did get to shoot M-16s at close range while walking/standing and also in a house setting with a team. We did MOUT training (SWAT style room to room searches in a team type situation). I got to shoot a 249 belt fed machine gun. I got to drive a HMMWV around for a little while.

Mark is taking Colin to an Antique Steam Engine museum today. This is the first time he has EVER taken him somewhere for the day by himself. They’re meeting up with Grandpa, who has no idea how to deal with kids. They are scheduled to meet up with Grandpa at exactly nap time. Cranky baby, here we come… I’m sure there will be some stories when they get home… And I am going to throughly enjoy my first day off in a year and a half. I think I will go take a dip in the pool, catch a movie, take a nap, and read. AH, BLISSFUL NON-RESPONSIBILITY! YAY!

On a side note: UT, HAVE YOU HAD YOUR BABY YET????

Update:

Both of my boys came home in one piece. One was very cranky due to lack of sleep. And the baby was pretty tired too. Apparently they’d had an all out boy’s day out, and had fast food for lunch (which Mom does not approve of). Well, the term “fast food” must relate to how quickly it shoots out the bottom side of babies. Today being Father’s Day and all, I let Daddy have the not one, but two major explosions that caused the most awful stench to follow my son around the house. It was lovely.

Ill be in the Chitown area from Aug 2 thru Aug 15….

then its on to Ft. Hood. Finally some state side life… no more curfews, no more lock down for months at a time, no more Korean food, no more moldy living area, no more smell of crap everywhere outside, no more rice patties, no more ghetto looking shacks that are used as houses, no more bongo trucks, not more hour long bus rides just to go shopping, no more having to be nice to the Korean waitress just to get my food (which sucks anyways), no more morale shattering dining facility (mess hall), now there will be more to do than swim and walk around our one mile square fenced in post…

of course there are going to be friends greatly missed. you all know who you are.

Just wanted to share an adventure I had the other night. 1st, I went to camp Casey (45 minute cab ride) and picked up my ps2. I got a mod chip and a new lens installed in it so I can play copied games and DVDs from any country. Then from there we went to camp howze (45 min bus ride) to get into another cab to go to the Korean Wal-Mart. In this cab-van, was a TV… and on this cab-van TV was playing porn.. .haha. Strange. Not only that, but the porn was overdubbed in French. Even the moans were overdubbed. The porno characters were dressed up like Arabians. Even weirder…

We finally arrived at Wal-Mart. Its a couple of floors but instead of having escalators or stairs, they have the moving sidewalks that take you to your desired floor. To keep your cart with you and to prevent a roll-off on the moving sidewalk, there is little grooves that hold onto this plastic ridge on the wheels. Its pretty cool. The Wal-Mart has a huge fish/stinky section of food. Everything around smells like fish.

After Wal-Mart, we went to a place called Bar Zest. This bar is the kind where they juggle the bottles, spray fire out of their mouths and light the drinks on fire. It was pretty cool. One round in particular had broken the glass and spilled fire out onto the table. We put the fire out with some Bacardi 151 and some matches… just kidding.

Thats a summed up version of my night. Enjoy.