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Las Vegas 2001
I almost missed the plane. Friday morning, January 05, 2001, Midway 8:00 am, ran to my gate and they opened the boarding gate door to let me on. Last call, im sure, was called.

I walked on the plane about five minutes prior to departing from the gate and saw Todd. He gave me the glance of “I wasn’t sure you were going to make it…”, but I did. I found my seat and shoved my only carry-on into the overhead compartment.

I’m flying.
And listening to the cd of live songs from the TOOL Salival box set. The one with the translucent gray case with TOOL screened on it.

The inside has a black case with a lift up top and images of stretched hands that look like red and green/blue forks on the front and an image of the back of a human figure with red tubes coming out of his spine on the back.

Inside the lift up top, there is red felt like a jewelry case with a black book embossed in it. The black book is flat black with a curved hand on the bottom and a small .5 inch square located just above the center.

The book contains a DVD and a CD along with several images/pictures that you will have to look for yourself to see, I dont want to describe them to you because I just don’t.

At the hotel.
High speed internet connection in all the rooms. Flat screen monitors, keyboards, mice, and RJ45 connectors for your laptop. I hope you dont mind that the connection is down and the 24 hour help is gone on weekends and it takes about 3 days to get it back up.

I was there for 3.5 days and 3 nights. Nice.

Want porn.
Tap the paper twice and shove it in the face of every male sometimes female who walks by you. I was looking all over for some information about getting an escort to come to my room, but i couldnt find it anywhere. Twins, house wives, or asian.

There is a red and blue carpet for everyone, made of business card sized and color pamphlets with nude women on all of them.

Pink.
Can you imagine staying here? I can’t. I’d hate to see the pool. Across the street, at the Walgreens we spoke to a homeless man. He was looking for some change to buy liquor.

The liquor wouldn’t be for him, but rather his ‘friend’ standing a few yards away. His ‘friends’ reasoning for needing some liquor was because his ‘girlfriend’ had left him (by jumping off of a building). The only problem was, this ‘friend’ was very a eccentric gay man.

Imagine a gay Marlboro Man or a gay McCloud. When we didn’t give him change, he asked where we were from. Our answer basically told him that he had no chance of getting anything out of us. Answer : Chicago.

Around we drive.
Little Rascal painted red and sparkly.

Get in and go for a ride. Don’t forget to wear a tight wool blanket over your legs to keep you warm. You would prefer a large wooden chair with large side wheels and a personal servant to push you around… maybe with a built in heating pad.

Look here.
Mirror mirror in the sky…
I wish you wouldn’t lie, I spend my money
I think I can win.

Up above me so high
I think I can fly, now things are funny
Around you spin.

Dumb.

Stay there.
The must-see show of the year
Splash an all-new kind of cool
2 shows nightly
RIVIERA
M Aleman presents an evening at
La Cage
starring
Frank Marino
as Joan Rivers
and the all new
Crazy Girls
Las Vegas’ sexiest topless review
Featuring Carole Montgomery

From afar.
This is the view from outside the Alladin Hotel and Casino. I wish I could find a slot machine somewhere. Those are hard to come by in Las Vegas. What if I wanted to gamble at 4:30 am or even in…

The airport.
Mmmm pretty. I want to ride the animals that look like they are swimming around in the floor. You cant see them here because they are downstairs. A turtle, a snake and some other crap. Ride the COW!!!!

Moving along the sidewalk
Going to eat breakfast. Dont ask for French wine in the French restaurant. It takes three servers to find out that a particular French wine is not available at this French restaurant.

building the dream
Cranes build the dream. The only winners here are the people behind the table. You think you are going to win anything. You aren’t. Take that.

stick this IN IT
Concrete butt plug. stop.

convention center
Do I need to say more? Imagine a bunch of computer nerds with their free plastic bags filled with free stuff, tool belts with a holder for their Palm Pilots, phones and pagers. Some people paid no attention to what was going on, but rather paid attention to their laptop or the person on the other end of the phone.

According to the Animation Panel of people who work the Internet Industry at animation houses: banners should not be used, rather do something like pop-up windows with interactive super-stitials… These people change jobs every 3.5 months.

convention center again
From inside the Convention Center. PPWAC. Pre Paid Web Access Card. The highlight of the Adult section of the Consumer Electronics show. There was about 2 other booths, one had a 38 year old black woman sitting behind a table smiling next to a poster board with a sheet of paper glued to it, and the other booth was PPWAC.

Don’t stare at the man wearing a bright red sport coat talking on the cell phone in the center of this 200 foot by 150 foot room, he is about 63 years old with a comb over.

flash, drawings and chalk
Chalk, two dudes, working out of NY, one with a french accent, long hair, six foot five, dark shades at night, wants to pick up tourists, wants to drive the Hummer in to the desert, carries around business cards for his boss, does flash, makes web pages, makes chalk, and one guy shy, chalks the ground, and thats it.

leaving las vegas
Good thing we had our $50,000 in flash money. We got our whole trip Comped. Even the Caddy and lap dance.

End.

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