When I joined the British Military, part of the mindset was “protect your anonimity”. I was brought up surrounded by the fear of Republican Terrorism, or the IRA as you might subject it. Today, the Forces take a slightly different approach in terms of how you might conduct yourself on the streets. Young, new recruits are given a greater freedom to present and introduce themselves as serving members, but still..within myself and I am sure…many of my peers of years, we still struggle with the whole “face in the crowd” shit.
I regularly think up and write blogs which i think would be of interest, but never publish them due to the over riding fear within me. And thats a shame, but I realise it. A few yeas back, never were there the forums that there are now, with such expression and political injection from the serving fraternity. Indeed, to be a member of the forum in which my own kind resides, you have to submit your name, rank and service number as a certification of being the genuine article. Something I wont do
However, I have a recurring vision. It always comes to me, alone. Its me talking with Mr Blair and my bosses and it is always about why I am leaving the services and turning my back on that which drove me all those years previous and how they try and tell me..”its all right”. Well, to those who dont have that vision, good on you. But, its not one born from madness, but rather the fight within me to realise and come to terms with the world as it is and the effect it has had on me and will continue to do so if I remain in this profession. And therein lies the problem. Is it a bad sign that I think how I do or a sign of clarity that I realise life has changed, my profession is not the one I joined, but something else. Or have I just had enough?
You can take the man out of the service, but not the service out of the man. So they say.
Â
Hmmm.
Â
I would like to really tell you things as I see them. Explain my side. Perhaps a release would let me. At the end of the day..I need anonymity. Those are the walls that make you safe.
Tricky isnt it.
Hmm. I am naive to the ways of your military, but are you in it for life, or is your enlistment almost up? How much longer do you have to be in it? Are you some sort of spy where “they”(whoever they is) will kill you if you leave the service? :-) Do something really crazy where they’ll just kick you out, but not put you in jail. I don’t know. I think you’re mad. But, you’d almost have to be to be friends with Mob.
Yes. Thats the crux of it. Breaking the bubble, the comfort zone and moving on. Institutionalised. But at the same time, I enjoy it for the most part. Just, I keep coming back to where I am now. That to me is the sign of “something has to change”.
Will they kill me? Doubt it. Budget cuts have seen the end of such Death Squads. Shame, they were so dedicated under Stalin.
Am I a spy? I’d be a crap one if I were. I once filled out some sort of application for MIsomething or other. Our version of your CIA. Apparently Im too tall to be in survelliance? Under 5′10″ apparently. Well, Im over that in a strong wind. Besides..Im too military in manner and far too loud, obnoxious and self opinionated to blend in.
But what else do I fancy doing? I am thinking about that all the time. We live debt free these days and I would like a house of our own.
Something will happen. Give it time. Besides, I can all but guarantee Ill be abroad again next year for something or other. Oh, and in answer to your time question, Im currently due out in just over 2 years.
I tell ya what Ill do. Ill drag the family over to America and open a rock bar with restaurant.
Thatll do me fine.
Oh…and perhaps get a job painting that NEW fence you are having installed on the border.
Leave a reply